write about someone who left.

3/6/2008

I used to know a girl. A woman? No, more of a girl. And she was close to me, as close as she could be to anyone, but all the same, she was never really there, you know? Never really there. Like a ghost. Faint. Just traces of a girl, an outline, an overall impression. When she left, she didn’t really make it a big deal, she just kind of disappeared into the distance, looking back but fading away.

She always used to talk cynicism, disappointment and crushed hopes. Like the weather, really. So matter of fact. I never knew what to say in response. Maybe I should have said more? Done more? She was a sweet girl that maybe had gone a little wrong in life. A little too far from what she thought she should become. Before all the dark and gloomy stuff, she was a regular girl. Happy. A little insecure, but intelligent, really bright, and hopeful about the future. But then, something happened. A lot of things happened. Life happened. And she became... like a ghost.

I tried to talk to her, but it was difficult. She wouldn’t respond in normal ways. You’d ask her a question about anything, something mundane, and she’d just look at you, and start talking about the relative significance of financial systems, or the meaning of love and relationships. Then she’d break off and contradict herself, trying to justify hypothetical action or inaction. Confusing stuff, really. I always thought it was maybe a sort of distraction. Internal thought externalized. Anything to avoid thinking about the passing of time.

I went for a long while without talking to her. She got in touch with me right before she left. I had the impression that maybe something big was happening, but I almost didn’t want to ask. I was afraid of the answer. Now I guess I’ll never know.

I’m not sure where she went, but I haven’t seen her in years. She didn’t say where she was going, and like I said, I didn’t want to ask. And... well, I know this might sound crazy, but when she left? She had a sort of faint shimmer or sheen to her. Luminescent. Yeah, I know. Crazy. But for a moment, when she was looking back and walking off into the distance, she was kind of glowing.